Week 9: Fairy Gifts and Olives

Week 9…

I think pictures best express my changes and experiences in week 9:

CNP, 2014

Pictures are worth 1,000 words, right?  I don't think I need to elaborate much more to capture the essence of… those particular changes to my body.

Pictures of the bambino, on the other hand, are a little less self explanatory.  I had my first ultrasound this week, and the photos of the little zygote aren't quite so clear.  It moved, and you could see its little heart hammering away at about 180 beats per minute, but a photograph doesn't do it much justice.  There is a head in there that takes up half of the entire body, and limb buds, and all of the other changes I have been diagramming on the produce aisle cartoons.  You'll have to take my word for it that seeing 'something' growing inside you is a fairly moving experience.

9 weeks, 5 days.

...Even if it does look a bit more like a green olive than I might wish…

CNP, 2014

Patience Cat, patience.

Until next week,
Cat

Week 8: Fake Drinking and Raspberries

Week 8...

CNP, 2014

I'm trying to be uber stealthy about being pregnant, and this poses some fairly serious issues for me.
1.  I am an extremely social person, in a very very very small town.  There is one pub, and one bar.  Everyone knows me at each establishment, and knows what I drink.  Showing up and ordering water would be akin to writing "I'm Pregnant!" on my forehead with a sharpie.
2.  Other social events include river trips, camping, music festivals, costume parties, and backyard barbecues.  All feature alcohol.
3.  My friends know me to be savvy with clever mix-drinks, and a connoisseur of bourbon.
4.  I was not willing to stay home and become a troll (although that does happen sometimes).

And except for the occasional 1/4 or 1/2 beer or wine, I'm not drinking.

Since I am writing this blog from the future, and I successfully kept my pregnancy secret from most people until the 13th week, I thought I'd share my top five "Fake Drinking Tips."  Before you read them though, you must promise not to expose any woman you see employing any of these secrets.  I'm letting you behind the proverbial curtain.  Bad things could happen if you transgress.  Agree?  Ok, read on.

Tip 1:
New non-alcoholic poser beverages: Snapple Green Tea looks enough like white wine to pass.  So does Welch's Light Grape Juice for red.  You can easily put these into a water bottle and refill your wine glass.

Tip 2:
Stealthy bathroom tricks: dump out your beer and fill it with water-if you have a bottle or a can.

Tip 3:
On the rocks: Order water, but always get it 'on the rocks' with a stirring straw and a lime.

Tip 4:
Drink for two:  I have a few close friends (and my partner, of course), who know I am pregnant.  They happily switch drinks with me all night, giving me a beer with an inch in the bottom, and trading me for mine, that has about an inch off the top.

Tip 5:
Pay off the bartender: For me, in a small town, this wasn't really possible, but in a larger anonymous setting, it works quite well.  Just make sure they serve your mocktail in a cocktail glass.  And tip well.


As for the bambino this week, it continues to steadily make its way through the produce aisle, and do amazing things like grow webbed fingers and toes.

CNP, 2014

Until next week,
Cat

Week 7: 'Morning' Sickness and Blueberries

Week 7...

Although I first scoffed at the idea of being sick during pregnancy, I have quickly come to realize that 'morning sickness' is a real, if not ephemeral and unexplainable condition.  I feel fine most of the time.  In the MORNING, that is, when all of this sickness is supposed to occur, right?

CNP, 2014

I wake up, feel wonderful, and have none of the difficulties that some women experience and stave off by keeping a box of saltine crackers by the bed.  By 5pm though, morning sickness rears its head, and suddenly foods that were absolutely delicious the week before make me gag even reading a menu.  It is worse if I do not engage in my newly discovered necessary activity.  Every two hours (and if I wait three I am sorry, very sorry) I must snack.  I feel like I have become part squirrel once I examine the little bags, tiger milk bars, and other various caches of food in my car, purse, and backpack.

Evidently, the technical term for morning sickness (as others must have also realized the incredible farce of the term) is "nausea and vomiting of pregnancy."  I agree that is doesn't have as nice of a ring to it.  What is also not very enlightening is the lack of agreement on what causes women to 'pray to the porcelain gods' for about two months.  I've read numerous papers and sites, and while some link it to the rise of human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG), others argue that the rise of the hormone is correlative, not causative.  Some evidence cites increased salivation (I have been drooling, a lot...) or rises in estrogen levels wreaking havoc on the digestive system.  Most, in the end, throw up their hands and try to make it some sort of rite of passage and bonding experience.

Huh.  Me?  I stash granola bars.  Interestingly enough, women who experience no morning sickness at all are more likely to miscarry, as the increased sensitivity to foods has been linked to protecting the embryo from toxins--this was just in a 2010 paper in Human Reproduction.  I don't know why the little bambino inside of me abhors chicken right now, but it is pissed if it even smells it.

Speaking of "it:" the bambino is growing and developing like mad.  It is still classified as an embryo, complete with a little tail, but is doing amazing things like cranking out 100 brain cells per minute.

The embryo has now increased over 10,000 times in size from conception, although it is just the length of a tic-tac... ...or if you prefer the produce aisle reference, a blueberry.  Pretty amazing.

CNP, 2014

Until next week, with fake drinking tips everyone needs to know, and raspberries.
Cat

(FYI: I'll upload better copies of the cartoons soon, I've had a few people tell me these are hard sometimes hard to read.  Thanks for the feedback.)