Week 8: Fake Drinking and Raspberries

Week 8...

CNP, 2014

I'm trying to be uber stealthy about being pregnant, and this poses some fairly serious issues for me.
1.  I am an extremely social person, in a very very very small town.  There is one pub, and one bar.  Everyone knows me at each establishment, and knows what I drink.  Showing up and ordering water would be akin to writing "I'm Pregnant!" on my forehead with a sharpie.
2.  Other social events include river trips, camping, music festivals, costume parties, and backyard barbecues.  All feature alcohol.
3.  My friends know me to be savvy with clever mix-drinks, and a connoisseur of bourbon.
4.  I was not willing to stay home and become a troll (although that does happen sometimes).

And except for the occasional 1/4 or 1/2 beer or wine, I'm not drinking.

Since I am writing this blog from the future, and I successfully kept my pregnancy secret from most people until the 13th week, I thought I'd share my top five "Fake Drinking Tips."  Before you read them though, you must promise not to expose any woman you see employing any of these secrets.  I'm letting you behind the proverbial curtain.  Bad things could happen if you transgress.  Agree?  Ok, read on.

Tip 1:
New non-alcoholic poser beverages: Snapple Green Tea looks enough like white wine to pass.  So does Welch's Light Grape Juice for red.  You can easily put these into a water bottle and refill your wine glass.

Tip 2:
Stealthy bathroom tricks: dump out your beer and fill it with water-if you have a bottle or a can.

Tip 3:
On the rocks: Order water, but always get it 'on the rocks' with a stirring straw and a lime.

Tip 4:
Drink for two:  I have a few close friends (and my partner, of course), who know I am pregnant.  They happily switch drinks with me all night, giving me a beer with an inch in the bottom, and trading me for mine, that has about an inch off the top.

Tip 5:
Pay off the bartender: For me, in a small town, this wasn't really possible, but in a larger anonymous setting, it works quite well.  Just make sure they serve your mocktail in a cocktail glass.  And tip well.


As for the bambino this week, it continues to steadily make its way through the produce aisle, and do amazing things like grow webbed fingers and toes.

CNP, 2014

Until next week,
Cat