Week 20: Cantaloupes and Gender

Week 20...

I don't think I really care what the sex of the little bambino is.  I have swung back and forth between thinking it is a girl, and then being certain that it's a boy.  My friends are pretty convinced one way or another, and although some of them just have a "hunch," most of them have relied on some tried and telling test that their grandmother (or auntie, elderly neighbor or insert some other equally sage advice) relied on.

CNP, 2014

This is how it usually goes down:

A midwife in town: "What's its heart-rate?  Oh, you are having a GIRL!"  Heart-rate over 140 means you have a girl.  At the first sonogram the little bambino clocked in at about 180bpm (remember torturing you with Karma Chameleon?).  Now it has settled down to about 160bpm.  I'm having a girl!!

My partner's best friends:  "You still look great, so it is definitely a BOY!"  Girls steal their mother's beauty, and boys add to it.  Additionally, if you have a ton of acne, you have a girl.  As much as I might complain about being pregnant, I have none of the dreaded 'bacne," cankles, and haven't yet swollen up like a hot air balloon.  I'm having a boy!!

One of my friends at the pub drops a key on the floor.  I pick it up by the round part: "If you picked it up by the narrow edge it'd be a girl, but it's a BOY!"  You get the drift.  I'm not certain where this advice actually comes from.  Do boys somehow influence your behaviors and make you covet round objects and girls long and narrow? ...Ummm, I think I'll leave it at that.  I'm having a boy!!

My mother alludes to the timing of conception: "Before it is a girl, after a boy!"  If the egg is already 'on the premises,' the Y sperm, destined to make a male baby, swim faster and fertilize first.  X sperm have greater longevity and if the egg has not yet been released, they fertilize, making a girl.  Although this technique does seem rather plausible, there is no scientific evidence to support it.  Either way, I am unable to provide data on the exact timing, so I'm having a UNKNOWN!

My sister (the midwife doula): "You are crazy morning sick.  You are having a girl."  Severe morning sickness means you are having a girl.  This old wives' tale does have scientific data to support it.  Women who have severe morning sickness are statistically more likely to be carrying a bambina.  I'm having a girl!!

The Google Machine: "A pendulum circling over my abdomen means I'm having a boy!"  If the pendulum swings back and forth, it is a girl.  In a circle, it is a boy.  This seems similar to the key theory in the circle vs. straight approach.  Either way, I'm having a boy!

One of my best friends: "High and side, it's a girl.  Low and front?  It's a boy." Where and how you carry your child is a good indicator of the sex.   I'm not sure where this one comes from either, but I'm not big enough (wait, I'm not radiant enough) to really utilize this test.  I'm having a...?

According to my research and data collection, and "feeling," I'm having a boy.  My partner and my best friend think we are having a girl (Their reasoning?  Just 'cause.).  According to the results of the sonogram that we just went to, the ultrasound technician is 95% certain that we are having a little baby girl...   Hooooray!!!!  We are having a GIRL!  ...and her name is Eva Constance.

CNP, 2014

This week, the bambino, bambina is the length of a small cantaloupe.  This is the last week that she will be measured crown-to-rump, so don't be surprised next week when she miraculously sprouts about three inches--we'll measure her head to foot from here on out.  Big events in her life this week include chugging lots of amniotic fluid, which she can taste due to her developed taste buds, and beginning to produce tar-like poop called meconium in her intestines.  I'm sure this won't be the last time I talk about it.

Until next week,
Cat

Week 19: Heirloom Tomatos and Paranoia

Week 19...

It is at the 'almost half-way' point of your pregnancy that you get the results back from a rather frightening test--if you elected to get the "maternal blood Quad Screen," that is.  Don't let your first introduction to the Quad Screen be pregnancy message boards, as they are rife with all sorts of women freaking out over their results--pages of statistical risk factors written in five-point-font.  You don't have to take this test or its alternative--the First Trimester Screen.  So, what is this Quad Screen all about?  Should you do it?

The Maternal Blood Quad Screen is a non-invasive test that gives your likely risk of carrying a bambino with chromosomal defects and neurological issues.  Quad stands for "quadruple marker," and the test measures four different substances in your blood: alpha-fetoprotein, human chorionic gonadotropin, estriol, and inhibin A.  The levels of these four chemicals then gauge the likelihood of Down's and Edwards syndromes and neural tube defects.

Down's Syndrome is the most common birth defect in the United States--about 1 in 800 children have this condition described by John Langdon Down in 1866.  Children with Down's syndrome may need extra care and services, but have a much longer life expectancy (60 years) after the advent of antibiotics and heart corrective surgery, and lead fulfilling lives.

Edwards Syndrome, or Trisomy 18, is a much more severe genetic chromosomal condition, with only about 5-10% of children with this condition living beyond their first birthday.  It is a lot less common than Down's Syndrome, affecting 1 in 6000 live births in the US.

Finally, the Quad screen assesses the level of risk of neural tube defects like spina bifida--where the fetus's spinal cord doesn't close completely in the first month of development (before you even know you are pregnant).  Dosing yourself with B vitamins, especially folic acid, prevents most of these defects.

It sounds pretty straight forward, right?  Should you take the test?  Do you want to know if your child has these conditions?  Why wouldn't you do the test?

CNP, 2014

Well, for me, understanding the Quad screen test required a comfort with statistical analysis--as it just assesses your risk factor for these conditions--it does not predict, nor specifically tell you if your child has these conditions.  If you are at higher risk (maternal age, obesity, and anti seizure meds are factors) you might want to get more information.  Or you might just want to sit back, have a cup of tea, and just let your baby keep growing, whatever the outcome.  Either way, take a deep breath and don't freak out.

(Author's note: I know that the cartoon this week is really text heavy.  I thought that it might help you feel the overwhelming nature of speed reading three pages of analysis to find answers about your baby's genetics.  Oh--and our baby is in the clear--statistically speaking that is.)

Right now your little bambino is about the size of a large tomato.  Pregnancy books describe him as an heirloom tomato, which is fine with me, as they are more fun to draw anyway.  Like some produce, he is also covered with a waxy coat, in his case to protect him from getting pickled by the amniotic fluid.  Fun fact: it is called the vernix caseosa, or "cheese varnish." Between the downy coat of hair and the cheesy residue, your baby probably doesn't seem too appetizing...

By far though the most incredible milestone is the incredible neurological development and sensory explosion that has been happening.  Neurons are connecting all over the body and brain, enabling kicks, turns, and what occasionally feels like a trampoline circus in my abdomen.

CNP, 2014

Until next week,
Cat

Week 18: Sweetpotato Relaxation

Week 18...

There are many aspects of pregnancy that I've been really excited about, but so far it's often seemed like a bewildering array of bodily changes.  One change I was particularly concerned about with was losing my ankles and feet, which I am absurdly vain of, and having them morph into 'kankles' with wider and flatter arches.  I set about to see what was responsible.

Relaxin is a hormone that is produced by both men and women.  However, during pregnancy, it is released by the placenta and ovaries in higher levels and loosens your ligaments, tendons, and muscles--especially those of the pelvic girdle and cervix.  Many women's feet increase by a size after pregnancy because as the ligaments and tendons of your feet loosen, your increased weight causes your arch to flatten... ...hence those Prada shoes won't be fitting any more, Cinderella.  As for your favorite jeans, the opening in your pelvis is often just big enough to have a one finger width between your baby's head and the bone, making every little bit of tendon relaxation go a long ways.

CNP, 2014

Maybe my jeans and shoes should take a back seat.

As far as the little bambino this week, the most significant event is the process of myelination--the insulation of nerve cells to allow signals to travel more quickly.

http://brainyinfo.com/2013/05/13/how-myelination-works/

At five months of gestation, she will have over 100 billion nerve cells, and will replace these neurons over the course of her life, but never have such rapid proliferation.  Although a fetal brain at 18 weeks may have an incredible abundance of nerves, the brain itself is small, and has yet to make connections and branches.  His little brain also processes information much more slowly than an adult's (sixteen times less efficiently) in great part due to these nerve cells not being insulated.  The insulation is myelin, and week 18 kicks off a great deal of myelination that will continue into young adulthood.

CNP, 2014

Finally, one of the parts of pregnancy that I have been really excited about is feeling this little thing inside me move.  And I FELT him or her!  Like butterflies, or a flicker, or a second breath, the knowledge that there is a living, growing creature inside me is one thing... ...the confirmation of it as I felt their first tentative movements?  Absolute Magic.

Until next week,
Cat

Week 17: Turnips and Chimeras

Week 17...

One of my friends gave me an article that blew my mind, and I am going to do my best to explain it to you this week.  I should warn you in advance that although the subject matter feels mythological in content, I am not selling you improbable research.

Chimeras, hybrid animals from Greek mythology, are fiery dragons with the heads of goats and lions, tails of serpents, or any number of other animals fused into one.  They are portentous of disastrous events, and synonymous for anything "wildly imaginative, implausible, or dazzling" (wikipedia).  When my friend gave me an article that human women were recently discovered to have a condition called Microchimerism, you can understand my brief reticence in believing it.

CNP, 2014

Pregnant women do not harbor a little tiny fire breathing lioness in their abdomen, but they do exchange cells with their fetus, and these cells persist in the mother for years to come.  Let me say that again: women exchange cells with their fetus, and the cells of the child stay in the mother sometimes for the rest of her life.  During pregnancy, up to six percent of the 'free floating DNA' in a woman's blood plasma is from the fetus.  The fact these cells reproduce and live within the mother for the rest of her life is what blew my mind.  The cells don't stay put in the uterus either.  They may migrate through the body--and since the non-mother cells from the child are often stem cells, they show up frequently at sites of injury and tissue repair and morph into whatever form is needed at that location.  I told you that this tale would feel mythological.  

The article I first read examined primarily Y chromosomal DNA (as it is easily differentiated as being NOT female, and therefore chimeral) and shows a significant increase in the longevity of women who have Y chromosomal microchimerism.  In fact, Danish women who exhibited another beings' DNA had "substantially improved survival" due to decreased rates of cancer and cardiovascular diseases.  Another study found that women with Alzheimer's disease had fewer chimera cells than women with healthy brain tissue.

In ancient Greece, chimeras heralded disastrous events like storms, shipwrecks, and volcanic eruptions.  Microchimerism in women is not always advantageous, as some autoimmune diseases like scleroderma are linked to higher levels of "non-self" cells.  In other realms though, it is looking like is is really beneficial to have a dazzling array of non-self DNA running through your body.

CNP, 2014

The little bambino this week is the size of a turnip, and it is busily beginning to lay aside some fat stores.  When it is born, those fat supplies will take up 2/3 of its weight!  Bulk up, buttercup!  He has sweat glands, and eyelashes, and finally... ...the ears have finished migrating and are in their exact proper place.

Until next week,
Cat

p.s.  Thanks to the lovely Tracy for feeding me this delicious article and making my brain (with a few fetal cells thrown in for good measure) sing.

Week 16: Avocados and Fun with Glucose Tests

Week 16...

Want to be admitted into the cloaked-behind-the-scenes-secret-handshake world of pregnant women?  Like any other worthwhile secret society, there is a ritual, a signature drink, and a little discomfort.    What is this test?  The show of bravery?  The indoctrination to the secret society? The ritual that binds pregnant women together?  Later on down the line, I am sure it will become something more more banal, like comparing the quality of child safety seats, or poop.  (I'm in denial of something called childbirth? Maybe?)  As of week sixteen though?  The great indoctrination is definitively the "Oral Glucose Tolerance Test."  And I get to take it twice, once now, and once at around 28 weeks.

The ritual:  Don't eat for twelve hours.  Wake up early, and drive to the doctor's office, or the hospital, a bit sleep deprived, caffeine-less, and settle in for a three to four hour session.

The signature drink:  Imagine the sweetest, thickest, orange Popsicle from your childhood-- a combination of maybe an Otter-pop with a concentrated shot of Fanta or Crush thrown in for good measure.  Get thirty of them, and melt them down into one glass.  Drink it fast--the entire saccharine solution in thirty seconds (they do give you five minutes to take the drink, but I'm trying to create some dramatic effect here...).  If you puke, you have to start over.

The discomfort: For three hours, roll up your sleeve, get stuck with needles and give blood every hour.

This is the Oral Glucose Tolerance Test, given to every pregnant women.  Some women, like myself, get to take the test more than once to screen them for gestational diabetes.  Doesn't it have all of the trappings of a great coming of age ceremony... or hazing at a frat party?

CNP, 2014

After I finished my test, I went out to my car, ate two peaches and two tiger milk bars, and then drove to work.  I got a call about an hour later from the hospital that warned me from any driving, as my sugar levels were so low they thought I might pass out.  Fun times.  I do feel a sense of accomplishment.  No gestational diabetes.  But a major milestone passed.  I am in the secret society.

CNP, 2014

The little bambino this week is just the size of an avocado.  I think the most amazing trait is that at this age (with their ears actually finally in place next week), they can actually hear and recognize music, voices, and even individual songs!  I'm not sure how exactly I want to take advantage of this.  I mean, my grandmother read the New York Times to her children before they were born.  I think I listened to Mozart.  While I like the idea of prepping our son or daughter for a dignified and cultured arrival on the planet, I am considering that they might nap better later if I blast some Metallica to them now...

Until next week,
Cat


A note: due to some recent events, I have a great deal more time on my hands than I did before, as you will discover in week 29.  I hope to accelerate the blog a little to catch you up on recent occurrences, but we will see what I am able to accomplish.  Cliff notes: I am well, bambino is well, but life can throw a curve ball.  I'll leave it at that for now.

Week 15: Navel Oranges and Flossing

Week 15...

CNP, 2014

The little bambino is the size of a naval orange this week, and I am having a love affair with flossing and brushing my teeth, but what really has captivated my attention is this central question:
"Why don't fish have ears?"

Let me explain.  Over the last several weeks of grocery aisle illustrations, I've written about the eyes or the ears 'migrating' into place.  I didn't really give it much thought.  I mean, right now the head of our child takes up most of its body size, and let's be honest--it has a lot of improvements to make until it doesn't look like an alien.  For example:

Even though it has fingerprints, its intestines were outside of its body just two weeks ago.  ALL of its intestines.  Swimming lazily in amniotic fluid.  

It has a cute downy coat of hair.  And transparent skin.  These seem rather adorable traits to me, but if my first view of this little bambino is covered in peach fuzz-invisible skin, it'll give me some pause. 

My partner doesn't like me referring to our child as "it."  The bambino, he/she... it does have a sex right now (last week it either started growing a prostrate or ovarian follicles), but we won't know for another five weeks until you can see 'parts' on an ultrasound.  Not knowing the sex (and finding it difficult to juggle he/she pronouns like lots of baby books do) does give the bambino an essence of other worldliness.  (I will TRY the he/she juggling... I swear.)

Just fifteen weeks ago he was a single cell.  Enough said.

As of this week, her bones are beginning to ossify.  This might not sound very glamorous, but up to this point I've been carrying elasti-girl in my womb, and x-rays of her would show no bones at all. 

So, so what if the bambino has ears, but they were on its neck.  It didn't seem like any herculean effort to imagine that they would migrate as well, given all of the other information, right?

Well, here is why I am so captivated.  Ears, it turns out, are modified gill structures.  In early embryonic stages, we have gill slits on our necks that later develop into our Eustachian tubes, middle ear, tonsils, parathyroid, and thymus.  Which means... that fish don't have ears, and they can't get tonsillitis... because they don't have either... they have gills instead.  And our little bambino's ears have been migrating from his neck to (hopefully) the proper place on either side of his head as his body has repurposed some structures (gills) in favor of others.

Humans are so cool.

(Note to self: does this mean that Waterworld is a complete fantasy, as Kevin Costner had ears and gills?  Poo.)

Speaking of movies, one of my favorite movies growing up was Dirty Dancing, and I know an embarrassing number of quotes from it.  There is one scene in which Baby shows up to a late night hotel party, and admits that she was there in attendance only because she "carried a watermelon."

Week 15, and my uterus this week is, tah dah! the size of a small mellon.  Nobody's gonna put baby in the corner, but I can at least get some humor from my growing size.

...and desire to brush my teeth at least five times a day.  I have always been obsessed with a clean mouth, but with the 50% increased red blood cell production, increased vascularization to the gums (think pregnancy glow), and decreased immune system, I do love a good tooth brushing now especially.  I might be a bit overly enthuiastic.

CNP, 2014

Until next week,
Cat

Week 14: Is she? or just too many bananas...

Week 14...

Welcome to the second trimester!  This marks the end of hiding, the end of morning sickness (hopefully), and the beginning of great growth and development.

I was thinking this week about my adjectives for "huge," and I realized that for the most part I don't actually look pregnant... ...as long as I am able to enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning.  Some mornings, coffee tastes terrible, and if I go three or four days without caffeine, I (how do I put this delicately?) look very pregnant as a result.

CNP, 2014

I got a little excited this week as well about the size of the bambino.  For the first time, most pregnancy books weren't using produce aisle metaphors.  It is the size of an iPhone, or half of a banana, and can move its facial muscles, pee and do all sorts of other actions that no doubt I'll find adorable in six to seven months.

But for now?  Still produce aisle, and it still wants me to snack.

CNP, 2014

Until next week,
Cat

Week 13: Peaches and One Third

Week 13...

One third down... two thirds (give or take, what, a month?) left to go.  I'm coming to terms with the fact that I've got a little bambino inside of me that has vocal cords, teeth, and fingerprints, abhors the smell of smoked meat, chicken, or coffee, and is enamored by snacking.

I know logically where all of this is going to go... staving off morning sickness, seeing my friends around me who are pregnant get bigger, and knowing that what is now the size of a peach will eventually weigh in around seven pounds.  And then, then I went to a bar-b-q this weekend, and sat with a friend who is about two weeks away from birth.  She is a tiny, athletic woman, and her pregnancy dominates her body.  In an hour sitting with her under the apple trees in the back yard, here are an assortment of comments:

"You look enormous!!"
"You are huge!  Weren't you due last week?"
"She (the baby) is really taking over your whole body!"
"Are you able to move around much?"

I know you aren't supposed to use vocabulary like "celestial, enormous, continental, colossal, elephantine" or other synonyms for "huge" when describing pregnant women.  And I was appalled by how frequently people felt free to discuss my friend's weight.  BUT, I also was almost compelled to discuss her size and I wanted to talk about my own mass in a way I have never cared about.  So, in preparation for the future, and as a helpful tool for those who may need to restrict their verbal diarrhea about weight, I'm offering up this "Non-Huge Thesaurus."  

CNP, 2014

In the world of the bambino, it is still making amazing advances in growth and development.  If it is a girl, it already has all of its eggs for later in life.  It has a coat of hair, and I think the most amazing aspect of my week was when my doctor brought my partner and me in for a quick ultrasound and we could see the hemispheres of the brain, legs, and frontal view.

CNP, 2014.

And now for the 'real' world.  I've told my work that I'm pregnant!  And the rest of the world awaits.

Until next week,
Cat

Week 12: Plums and Hot Dogs

Week 12...

Today, I drank coffee, snuck some brie, and dyed my hair.  Last night I was at a music festival in Telluride, and went out on the town at 11:30pm to hunt down the infamous “Diggity Dog” hot dog cart that graces the main street into the wee hours.  I ate possibly the most delicious hot dog I have ever had. 

CNP, 2014.

Let’s summarize the pregnancy do's and don’ts that I violated in 24 hours:

NO SOFT CHEESE!

NO HOT DOGS!

DON’T DYE YOUR HAIR!

NO CAFFEINE!

(wait, you were at a music festival?!?!) 

I don’t think I’m the The World’s Worst Pregnant Woman, but feel sometimes like I am rebelling against the bambino growing inside of me, or more so the rules that have been set for How to Be the Perfect Pregnant Woman, especially in the United States.  I think juggling all of the advice there is out there can get to anyone.  I'm just thankful right now that I don't look pregnant, so I can eat my frankfurter without getting pregnancy police stares.  

As for you little Bambino, considering that I might have thrown you a little loop with dye chemicals, processed meat, caffeine, and listeria bacteria in a 24 hour period,  I should check in with you to see how your world is progressing:

CNP, 2014.

You have fingernails.  This in itself absolutely astounds me.  I promise to only eat hotdogs in extreme circumstances.  Once a month.  Once a week.

Until next week,
Cat